Dehradun, Uttarakhand.

26th October, 2020.

Have you ever been afraid of a crime you never committed?

Like you didn’t do anything wrong but you think that someone thinks you did something wrong and you’re just afraid that you won’t be able to prove that you’re innocent. Have you ever felt that?

Cause I feel it like almost every day. I just think that I have to behave in a certain way, and that if I do something that I’m supposedly not supposed to do then I might get scolded or like get called out on. 

Another thing I’ve realized is that I live a very ‘scared-life’ and it has been this way since a very long time for many obvious and not so obvious reasons, you won’t believe I’m scared of more things than you can imagine… a few of them being failure, ignorance, loosing bonds and… spiders! 

Well the list is long but let’s save it for some other day. 

Someone told me a few days ago that I take things too personally, maybe I do or maybe it was all talks, I’ve yet to realize. But thinking about it made one thing clear that I overthink… that to a lot, about a lot of stuff which I probably shouldn’t even care about. I’m trying to make a lot of thoughts clear and sometimes I think maybe I don’t have that many thoughts it’s just that I have too much time to myself these days.

To future busy days ahead, please come soon…

Kinda craving some real work.

~Minza.

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Kishore Sagar Lake Park, Kota, Rajasthan

21st July, 2019.

You know, the sense of security and trust you feel when you have access to something, or someone?

It’s really weird how you can just try harder and harder for validation until that person gives in to you. The sense of happiness, and more importantly calmness is achieved, the path to which kept you engulfed in anxiety and uncertainty. You no longer have to be cautious or succumb to conditions. There are more candour conversations, exchange of details and involvement in the mundane actions of everyday life. That’s having access to a person. It might sound negatively assertive, but it’s just a fancy metaphorical reference to daily exchange of dialogue.

Having access also comes with a few rules, the most important of which I feel is not letting the habit of that person have adverse effect on you. I won’t say don’t let the habit develop because firstly, that’s not possible; and I speak from personal experience, and secondly because habits are good in the sense that they are comfortable.

I have access to people; some completely, some partially. And also have people I’m trying to get access of. I think this is something everyone does, repeatedly, as they meet newer folks in life. Also, I have to add that the more access you have of a person the more access you give to them. And that is what I prefer to call trust.

~Minza.

Instrumentation Colony, Rajeev Gandhi Nagar, Kota, Rajasthan, India.

10th August, 2019.

Its just fascinating to see how each day of my life unfolds. From instantaneous plans to long deep conversations, I’m doing all sorts of stuff these days. Having huge ambitions (kinda unrealistic ones ; but who cares), laughing my heart out on the silliest of jokes, bitching bout people, from listening old stories to making new plans there’s no end to the chinwag.

The rainy days that I hate the most, didn’t seem all that bad today. I was still willing to walk on the dirty roads, cause it was fun to be around, for more lines and more walks.

It’s all kinda new yet kinda old. There’s the excitement of something different and the comfort of something I’m used to. It’s always the best and just keeps getting better. And I say it with all good intention.

I’m literally like working hard, and you know the satisfaction when you think that your day was productive, that’s what I aim to sleep with each night.

I’m honestly grateful for a lot of stuff, be it the anger, the taunts, the arguments, the sweetness, the understanding, the love. Just everything. And you know that I know you know that.

Studying for long hours is like the only plan I have every morning when I wake up, and trust me I’m so enjoying it. And you know you’re deep into this shit, when even your humour has chemistry in it.

I’m just wishing for living days with more fun, more talks and more happiness.

The path for this ore from the furnace to the gold may not be easy but definitely worth it. Cause this tie has still to go a long way.

~Minza.

12:51 am

P.S. – I know I was supposed to sleep early, but just couldn’t resist writing all this.

Kota, Rajasthan, India.

21st July, 2019.

Surely one of the best days, I had in a long while. How do I explain it…. moody, fun, exciting, creative and can’t miss the visuals, of course.

You know the feeling when you find the perfect canvas for your art, that’s exactly what it was.

Roaming around unknown paths, appreciating what we might never see again and absorbing the best and most beautiful of memories that would go a long way.

Just so wholesome, calm and serene. Amidst all the chaos we go through everyday, a little escape once in a while is all I long for. And with the best partner in crime is all you can wish for.

Not wanting to go, to not in a mood to leave, when places outshine you expectations, that’s the sense of satisfaction you wish for.

Getting to know something new about you everyday doesn’t even seem new anymore. And calling it a journey to know myself, aboard with an accomplice on this voyage across turbulent times is aptly worded.

Cheers to all the good and bad, gains and sacrifices, actually just everything.

And Thank You….

~Minza.

Rajeev Gandhi Nagar, Kota, Rajasthan, India.

25th July, 2019.

It’s weird how you get used to stuff you weren’t even supposed to start, be it good or bad, and how that starts affecting you in ways you don’t even realise. Making habits with caution cause they are hard to get rid off, but at times you just can’t control the situation your way.

There’s something I heard recently that “You should be thankful to people while they are good to you and not condemn them if they stop doing so because no was ever obliged to be kind to you in the first place.”

Hmm, kinda makes sense…

~Minza.

Kota, Rajasthan, India.

Seriously been a while ever since I put up something here. Just that life has been insanely busy these days and I consider it a blessing having 6 hours for sleep. Met quite a few new people, life’s a bit new these days too.

~Minza.

Kota, Rajasthan, India.

February, 2019.

Having no time to sleep, having no time to even breathe in peace can be fulfilling. Even though at the end of the day I barely have energy to even stand up, having those beside me going through the same troubles and struggles, inspire me.

~Minza.

Dehradun, Uttarakhand, India.

October, 2018.

Life can be extremely difficult. Everything can’t be the way you want it to be, at times most of the times nothing goes the way you want it to be. Some days coloured some days dull.

~Minza.

Kota, Rajasthan, India.

19th January, 2019.

The constant clash of harsh noises, with an undercurrent of many voices murmuring an unknown tongue is a surrounding quite yet surreal to me.

~Minza.

Kota, Rajasthan, India.

19th January, 2019.

The means I used for those meanings, mean a lot to me. I may not mean anything to the mean you, But I still had to find a mean between my heart and you.

~Minza.