Dehradun, Uttarakhand.

26th October, 2020.

Have you ever been afraid of a crime you never committed?

Like you didn’t do anything wrong but you think that someone thinks you did something wrong and you’re just afraid that you won’t be able to prove that you’re innocent. Have you ever felt that?

Cause I feel it like almost every day. I just think that I have to behave in a certain way, and that if I do something that I’m supposedly not supposed to do then I might get scolded or like get called out on. 

Another thing I’ve realized is that I live a very ‘scared-life’ and it has been this way since a very long time for many obvious and not so obvious reasons, you won’t believe I’m scared of more things than you can imagine… a few of them being failure, ignorance, loosing bonds and… spiders! 

Well the list is long but let’s save it for some other day. 

Someone told me a few days ago that I take things too personally, maybe I do or maybe it was all talks, I’ve yet to realize. But thinking about it made one thing clear that I overthink… that to a lot, about a lot of stuff which I probably shouldn’t even care about. I’m trying to make a lot of thoughts clear and sometimes I think maybe I don’t have that many thoughts it’s just that I have too much time to myself these days.

To future busy days ahead, please come soon…

Kinda craving some real work.



Kishore Sagar Lake Park, Kota, Rajasthan

21st July, 2019.

You know, the sense of security and trust you feel when you have access to something, or someone?

It’s really weird how you can just try harder and harder for validation until that person gives in to you. The sense of happiness, and more importantly calmness is achieved, the path to which kept you engulfed in anxiety and uncertainty. You no longer have to be cautious or succumb to conditions. There are more candour conversations, exchange of details and involvement in the mundane actions of everyday life. That’s having access to a person. It might sound negatively assertive, but it’s just a fancy metaphorical reference to daily exchange of dialogue.

Having access also comes with a few rules, the most important of which I feel is not letting the habit of that person have adverse effect on you. I won’t say don’t let the habit develop because firstly, that’s not possible; and I speak from personal experience, and secondly because habits are good in the sense that they are comfortable.

I have access to people; some completely, some partially. And also have people I’m trying to get access of. I think this is something everyone does, repeatedly, as they meet newer folks in life. Also, I have to add that the more access you have of a person the more access you give to them. And that is what I prefer to call trust.


Kota, Rajasthan, India.

19th January, 2019.

The constant clash of harsh noises, with an undercurrent of many voices murmuring an unknown tongue is a surrounding quite yet surreal to me.


Kishore Sagar Talab Park, Kota, Rajasthan, India.

October, 2017.

Superstition is not saving a drowing man thinking that the surging swells might swallow us too if we defy the nature.


Kota, Rajasthan, India.

November, 2018.

There is more satisfaction in pursuing things than achieving them. The time spent in pursuing keeps us happy with the thought that the goal achieved will bring us happiness, but the final result may not be successful or even if it’s successful, it may not amount to the hardwork you put in. The process at times is more beautiful than the result.


Allen Sankalp, Rajeev Gandhi Nagar, Kota, Rajasthan, India.

January, 2019.

Stop, for a moment and look around. The places you’ve been to daily for years start to seem new or maybe different. There are places I hate to go but I end up there everyday, and there are places I love to go, but can’t seem to get a bare second visit. I try to at least look around where I go, you may find something likeable at the places you hate.


City Mall, Kota, Rajasthan, India.

September, 2017.

I’ll run away, someday I swear I’ll run away. I’ll have no contact with anyone, meet new people, New friends and in an entirely new place. I’ll do whatever I like, for however long I feel like, I’ll change occupations, do all kinds of different jobs, study many different subjects that I want to, different books, and experience many different traits out there. No worries in life, no people to whose expectations I need to live up to, no past image for me to maintain. Just a new life. Not even a single person will know where I am or what I’m doing, because that’s the most ideal situation I can ever have. I like my name so I won’t change that, except that everything will be different.

I suddenly woke up from my best dream ever.


Old Kota Gate, Rajasthan, India.

7th January, 2019.

I am not good at maths but I have a lot of problems.


Kota, Rajasthan, India.

12th February, 2019.

I spend more time spacing out then work. I don’t know why it hasn’t sunken yet that that the situation is no longer for me to lurk. Hard work seems to go in vain, every night the last words in my diary are “I hope it’s worth the pain.”.


Aklank Public School, Basant Vihar, Kota, Rajasthan, India.

12th February, 2019.

A tough day with practicals in school. My legs are sore with pain right now, also sprained my back I guess. Anyway the condition is really bad, still gotta work.